EPISODE 2 | OH! THE DATING APP MEN

Where men exist, audacity abounds!

You are back for another recollection of my miseries at the hands of men. I don’t blame you; misery loves company.

This one begins with a friend, Alfie. Now he may hate that I call him Alfie but that’s what he gets for coming into this world as a man. See, I tag Alfie as a serial dater. Blame his actions not my choice to put a name on them. And he wondered why I was perpetually single. He would taunt me daily with his escapades. He still does. It’s our little inside joke. One day he suggested I get on dating apps just for the fun of it. As you can imagine, I was averse to the thought of it let alone the action. Like brother, eugh! No, thank you. I have learned from the experiences of other women who got on these dating apps. I shall not be another statistic!

But if there’s one thing about Alfie, he’s relentless. So after making sure I was on the verge of taking his head off of his head, I gave in and told him I’d download Bumble. His reaction? “That’s my girl. I’m so proud of you!” his words, not mine. And that is how I found myself on Bumble – chosen mostly because I get to control who I want to interact with.

If there’s one thing about dating apps that they don’t tell you, then there’s definitely more that you don’t know about. Within a few hours of signing up I already had hundreds of likes. I was like, eerm, side eye. Who’s the pro in this game? Alfie. So I went back to Alfie like what is happening? He said, “yeah these men are horny, what do you expect?” That’s when I was like you know what, I’m already here why not make the most of it? So I also started swiping left and right. And let me tell you, the things I have heard from the mouths of men.

One thing I’ve learned from the experiences of other women is that men say what they mean and mean what they say. So I decided my opening line was going to be a simple question, “what are you looking for on bumble?” and my oh my were 99.9% of the responses not about sex? I mean, it’s a dating app, what was I expecting? Lol. Literally, all these men just said yeah I’m looking for a one-night stand and left it at that. Once I hear one night stand, I just go ahead and wish them the best in finding what they are looking for. There are two ways this wishing you the best could be responded to. The first is just an acceptance and end to the convo. The second is the most convoluted. Some men think my saying no and wishing them the best was a challenge for them to put in more effort in asking me to sleep with them. What, part of no, thank you! Is unclear? What part of that says hey, ask me again, I may change my mind? I just don’t get it. Once those start, I just go straight for the block and report button. Yes, I did not pay for premium, but you cannot come and stress me out on an app I downloaded on my own phone. The audacity!!!

But there are instances within which I get some very interesting texts and yes, I have the receipts else it didn’t happen, lol! So, in the next few episodes we are going to be digesting some of these receipts. Oh and when I say get a snack and strap yourself in for a wild ride, you best believe me.

Let’s Start with the man who thought of himself as a price women must scramble to win.

I’ve got video receipts lol.

Now, I’m an over thinker so it’ll be an injustice if we don’t dissect this conversation.

It started like any other normal conversation. It started with the whole where are you from, what are you doing here? spiel. And I even thought it was going well but Sir said no! He started talking about how he was a sub and was looking for a woman to submit to. Now my friends may say I’m judgmental and in most instances they’d be right but not this one. Sexual preferences are the last thing I judge people on except in some fetish instances, but I digress. I didn’t judge him. Just made it clear being a dom was the very last thing I will have to be in my sexual exploration journey. That is when the once pleasant individual I was talking to lost it. After I said No, I went to take a shower because what else was I supposed to do? I came back to see this man thinking my saying no was an invitation to ask much harder and try to entice me with other things. Like sir, it’s a no. It’s not a Caesar code to be deciphered. It is not cryptic. It’s a very simple word. When I pointed out how I had said no several times, yet he refused to listen and that I wasn’t attracted to him, it was as if I had just lit the fuse to a time bomb, he exploded.

And I think that’s the issue most of the time. Most men cannot compartmentalize what it means to find someone attractive vs being attracted to said person. When I say someone is attractive, it doesn’t translate into my wanting to be with them as a partner. I could literally think someone is physically attractive but want absolutely nothing to do with them otherwise. But I’ve come to realize it is not the same for most men. Finding someone attractive meant an opportunity to be intimate with that person. In almost all instances and sometimes in all instances for some men.

He got offended that I wasn’t attracted to him and doubled down into being demeaning so I decided to remove myself from the situation. Because with such a fragile sense of self, if I had maintained indulgence, I would have honestly made the poor guy feel worse than he already felt just existing. But my wanting to exit the conversation even seemed to irk him more. Now you see why I will always say the accusing finger of a man always finds a woman? No matter what you do, as long as you are a woman you are to blame. Then he, in his own way I guess, started to threaten me with a great life: that I would remain single. Also, apparently, there are several stages of male approval. Lol. From the first stage, which I’m going to assume is interest since our good man didn’t tell me, to the second stage which is the relationship stage. And not being attracted to him means I would remain single forever. Sir don’t threaten me with a stress-free life, please!

Finally, he revealed who he truly was, a red pill man. He had the audacity to say he was a high value man who after being rejected thought that rejection was a form of being rude hence rejection doesn’t fly with high value men. Oh my! I want to laugh. Apparently saying no, I’m not interested means a woman would never find another man in life.

Aside how ludicrous this way of thinking is, it stems from deep seethed insecurity. And I’ve learnt most men project their insecurities surrounding their existence onto the women they encounter in life. So the man who believes he may not be able to find any woman to be with now thinks because I, who I’m sure he thought would be an easy target, rejected him, he had to project his insecurities around finding a woman to be with on me. But he could also just be wishing me the very worst in life because of the shame that comes with rejection. Sadly, I’m not the first woman and neither would I be the last to experience this. It is a widely known phenomenon how men just don’t know how to accept rejection. Unfortunately, some men take pride in not knowing how to accept rejection. Some women have been verbally, physically, and sexually assaulted just because they rejected the advances of a man. Sadly, some even lost their lives because of this. This is a serious issue we need to talk about: why do men think being rejected reflects their inadequacies and as such an insult? Best case, yes you are inadequate. Everyone is imperfect. How is an expression of that inadequacy from a woman a thing that should warrant harm? Why do you think violence is a proportionate response to being rejected?